It's Called Disturbing by Buddy Roy Baldry

Author:Buddy Roy Baldry
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: office drama, psychological thriller, dark comedy
Publisher: Dimensionfold Publishing
Published: 2019-09-02T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 10

Why couldn’t he, just once, jump into something with both feet and give 110%? He still found simple joy in what he always did. He still liked hockey. Not as much as some, who would paint their faces for games, but he watched for certain teams. He had a healthy appetite for sex, or masturbation at least. He hadn’t lost interest in food, but was by no means overweight (he weighed 70 kg). He slept well and was not lazy, nor was he cutthroat. It was like he was an amalgamation of polar opposite parents. Or a middle sibling. He didn’t have many friends, neither did Eddy. No real hobbies to speak of, so why couldn’t he become one of those career men like Wally? Why couldn’t he get interested in his work?

Still, there was this chapter in Travis Bunk’s book that kept at him. More of a concept the man spoke about in the meeting. Disturbing your clients. They don’t need facts and figures. They need to feel something. How could Tom do it when he didn’t feel much of anything himself? He needed empathy. He needed to first try to put himself in the other person’s shoes, and then scare the shit out of them. After all, he knew the fear and pain involved, his father was dead. Although he wouldn’t use his own experience. That was too close to home. When he tried to conjure up the grief at hearing his father was dead, he knew another emotion was just underneath, as fresh as when it happened. The feeling was relief. And then shame at the relief. And then anger at it all again and again. Anger at his father for being weak in the eyes of his brother and wife. Then hatred and anger at them. His Uncle for constantly ridiculing his father, his mother for taking his Uncle’s side. Until time and time again, he could watch the happiness and patience dissipate and his father would glaze over and shrink from the hot air.

So, he would usher these feelings away. His Uncle was not a bastard. Not totally. He loved his brother, and Tom watched him grieve. Tom watched his mother grieve as well. Still, at the funeral, he couldn’t help feeling he had watched them walk away with the look of relief. He projected on them his own taboo thought: “We are better off without him.” But didn’t that also include him? He could feel what his father must have felt sometimes. The time in the restaurant, where his father’s steak came back three times and father still paid for it. Tom heard them arguing on the drive home. And then Tom’s Uncle made a special trip over to the house that evening to tell his father off. “Those are spineless excuses, I don’t know what you are talking about, what grand scheme of what things?” He listened to his Uncle raise his voice in the living room. And their reasoning began to make sense in his mind.

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